Archive | August, 2014

He’s Still Working…

30 Aug

My paychecks from a full summer of working finally came.  I didn’t strike it rich, but I was finally able to catch up on bills (and buy groceries.  Those are nice to have.)

About a week before my lease ended, God opened a door for me to live in a community setting with a really great Christian couple until the end of October.  He was showing Himself faithful, granting me the things I had so frantically prayed for.  

There was still the question of a job.  And David.  Did God want me to let go, or was He working in ways I could not see?

I prayed for a sign.  I asked God that, if I were NOT to marry David, that I would run into him in the next week.  I had just interviewed for a job in David’s area and viewed a potential apartment (this was before I had finalized the place where I am living now), so it was likely that I would travel that way in the next few days.  God could easily arrange for us to bump into each other.  I also asked if it WAS God’s plan for us to marry and I should be praying/planning accordingly, that I would find out that a loved one was having a baby or adopting.  

A day later, I reconnected with a couple I had served with on the mission field and learned they had a beautiful, healthy baby boy (after dealing with secondary infertility while I was on the field with them).  Was this God answering my prayer in an above-and-beyond way- if I had found out they were pregnant, I would have rejoiced, but I would have also feared they may be in for further complications.  No, even before I prayed, God had already given them a son.  Then, at the end of the week, I learned a summer-school aide was pregnant.  I hadn’t had a chance to get to know her well, but I know that she and her husband know and love Jesus.  She could have been assigned to a different classroom and I could have never met her, we could have missed the five-minute conversation in which we discovered our common faith in Christ, or I could have missed the moment when she casually mentioned being pregnant…but only God could have caused those brief details to fall into place.  Between these two miracles, there was no denying that God had to be answering my prayer.

So, I continued to believe that David is the one God has chosen to be my husband.  I continued to pray for him.  One night, I peaked at David’s facebook before going to bed- it still read, “In a Relationship with Jenny.”  Later, I woke up in the night with a frantic, overwhelming urge to pray for David and Jenny.  I prayed, furiously.  I prayed that God would protect them.  I prayed they would be spared of heartache.  I prayed that David would have the strength to seek God above all else and not be drawn into any sort of temptation- physical or emotional- with Jenny.  In my mind, I resolved that if David did go “too far” with Jenny and God later brought him and I together, I would forgive as Christ forgave- but I still prayed that David would be spared from yet another heart-destroying relationship.  In the morning, I looked at his facebook again (I know, I shouldn’t do that!!) and saw that his relationship was no longer listed.

Well, social media isn’t the Bible. Anything could have happened.  He or Jenny might have simply decided the world didn’t need to know their relationship status.  Or…maybe there was a reason I was called to pray so fervently the night before.

I prayed for one more sign a few days later.  This time it was nothing specific…Just something, anything, that would affirm that this was from God and not my own imaginings.  I prayed that the sign would come before noon the next day.  

At 11:48 the next day, I received a phone call offering me a teaching position in the next suburb over from where David lives.

The job offer in and of itself was cause for rejoicing.  I called my dad and we offered a prayer of thanks together over the phone, and then texted the couple I live with (who have prayed for me throughout my entire job search), before making the big “social medial” announcement.  In the back of my mind, it seemed so clear that this was a double-answer to prayer.  

I had already been looking at churches in that area, and, regardless of what happened between me and David, the church he attended seemed like the best fit.  Small (I have nothing against big churches, but I personally prefer smaller ones), contemporary without being showy, the same denomination as the church I attended (and loved) in my hometown, and the sermons I listened to online where deep and powerful.  I finally decided to send David a short message telling him I had been offered a job and was looking for a church in the area, and planned to visit the church he attended on Sunday.  I added that I knew he would have his son and possibly his girlfriend with him, and I understood if he didn’t feel comfortable talking with me.  

He replied instantly, “I’m not with her anymore.  And I’d like to see you, but enjoy the service if I don’t get a chance!” 

Of course, he wasn’t there Sunday morning.  I loved what I saw/heard- beautiful, Christ-focused worship, solid sermon, friendly congregation- I just hope David meant what he said and didn’t skip out Sunday to avoid seeing me.  

On one hand, he’s out of that relationship- and, apparently, God called ME to be the prayer warrior for David when it ended.  On the other hand, I don’t know if I can trust what David says- he talked about “wanting to catch up again sometime soon,” the last time we saw each other…followed by months of silent treatment while he dated Jenny.  Maybe he thinks he’s being nice and protecting my feelings, but it really just causes me a headaches and confusion.

God seems to be giving me so many signs that He is at work here, and that He has spoken to me.  Still, every spark of human logic tells me that it’s impossible, that David no longer wants anything to do with me and our relationship is forever shattered.  

Someday, I’ll know what’s really happening here.  Even in the midst of all my confusion, He is still working all things together for my good!